Boundaries

My wife and I had countless arguments about things that I felt cluttered our schedule. She’s an extrovert and thrives being around people. In most circumstances and especially during the depths of my depression, I preferred being alone and isolated. I’m naturally an introvert.

Every Sunday, we argued about people coming to the house for our Bible study group. If we had a family function I didn’t want to go to, we argued. Ball games, church activities, back to school nights...we argued.

Communicating with those closest to you will help them understand the extra energy it takes to interact in what they feel is a normal activity.

Others will want to help you. Be honest with them. Setting boundaries can avoid you feeling overwhelmed with extra contact from family members and friends. Boundary setting also prevents unproductive arguments.

Setting boundaries keep you safe.

Setting boundaries isn’t easy. Not everyone agrees with the boundaries each person sets. My wife thought being around people is what I needed versus the days spent lying on the couch watching episode after episode on Netflix.

My therapist, month after month, told me I needed to walk or do some other form of exercise. Each person in my life offered support and suggestions, but I knew by putting myself in a high anxiety or stressful situation would deter my recovery.

Sometimes I wanted to be around people, but mostly I wanted to be alone. Know your limits. Don't try and do too much.

Communicate your needs to the people around you. No one can guess the way you feel. They can’t get into your head and see how your feel. A strong support system is great, but at times can feel overwhelming.

When setting boundaries for myself, I read a variety of books and consulted several websites. Health Central provides a list of boundary setting questions to ask yourself. Setting boundaries is knowing what you want.

• Is this mentally healthy for me?

• Do I really want to do this or am I doing this out of guilt or out of feeling coerced?

• Is it necessary for me to take some time before I decide?

• Do I have the time and energy for this?

• Am I enabling someone to become less independent or more vulnerable because I am doing too much for them?

• Am I agreeing to things just to be liked?

Set boundaries. Take the time you need, but don’t over isolate and withdraw completely. It might be a walk, working on a hobby or maybe even a short trip, but taking the time is important. Time allows you to process and work through your individual situation.

**This is the second in a series of posts focusing on positive words to combat depression.

**Taken from The ABC's of Combatting Depression by. Jeremy & Renae Rinkel

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